Ranking the Cybermen Stories (Part 1)

Guest contributor Will Atkinson begins his countdown.

Some of you may recall that I wrote a couple of articles that ranked the Master stories from worst to best last year. And guess what? I’m at it again! Not the Master this time, fortunately, but those great silver giants; the Cybermen! Now, I’m only going to be ranking stories that include the Cybermen as the main threat (or joint main threat), so adventures such as The Pandorica Opens, A Good Man Goes to War, The Five Doctors, The Time of the Doctor and others I’ve forgotten (it’s been a long holiday!) will not be included. So, er, sorry in advance.

Anyway, a list! This one is from worst to best, so keep that in mind in case of possible confusion.

15. Revenge of the Cybermen

Don’t get me wrong, I love the Fourth Doctor’s first series. It’s the first series I ever saw as a wee nipper, and it has an especially fond place in my heart, in its only little spot of affection nestled between Wispa Bars and Community*. But I have to admit, as a Cybermen story, Revenge is pretty rubbish. It doesn’t live up to The Ark in Space, the other story set on the Nerva Station, and not only does the story lack pace-the Cybermen don’t really turn up until half way through – their plan also makes no sense, as they plan to attack a planet of gold, the only thing that can stop them. No prizes for guessing how it turns out for the Cyber-race this time round. Also, the title might be slightly off as well. Since when were the emotionless Cybermen capable of, well, revenge? Saying that, these Cybermen are some of the most emotional we ever get. This is actually quite amusing, as the Cyber leader is as camp as Christmas. However, despite its flaws, Revenge is saved by the fact it boasts the best TARDIS crew ever – the Fourth Doctor, Sarah Jane and Harry Sullivan, and I will take on every other Doctor Who fan in brutal combat prove that fact. Or if not combat, then at least a high-stakes water pistol duel.

14. Attack of the Cybermen

For the 14^th best Cybermen story we hightail it forward 10 years to 1985, where Margaret Thatcher is Prime Minister, Halley’s Comet is in the sky and Doctor Who’s going through a bit of a rough patch. Attack of the Cybermen is one of the clearest examples of everything that went wrong with 80’s Doctor Who. It is filled to the brim with needless continuity, the Doctor-Companion relationship is tedious to watch and it’s very, very violent. There are good bits in Attack of the Cybermen, but they are buried under a layer of annoying things that get in the way. I mean, it even has the Doctor fix the Chameleon Circuit. Blasphemy!

13. Rise of the Cybermen/The Age of Steel

I might get a bit of stick for this, but I’m sorry, I just don’t like this Tennant two-parter. I really don’t see the need for a parallel universe setting, as I felt that there was no reason to change the origin of the Cybermen just for New Who. Also, I feel that Tennant gives one of his weakest appearances here, a shame as he gives one of his best in the previous story, The Girl in the Fireplace. The story is also hampered by the fact that it displays some of the worst traits of early New Who, ie tacky CGI and looking a tad more cheap than many remember it. There’s also the inclusion of Rose’s parallel universe family who (sorry!) bore me to tears. Plus, half of it reeks of trying to be cool and edgy and…I could go on and on. For me this story is just really frustrating. I look at it and see things that could be so much better, such as the usage of parallel universes, and bits that are already quite good, like the Cybermen remembering who they were or the Doctor and Mrs Moore sneaking past the Cybermen. So, overall, for me this is a disappointment, and I’m very sorry to those who are fans of this story-I just don’t like it.

12. The Wheel in Space

The Wheel in Space is quite an unfortunate Doctor Who story for the fact that its best bit isn’t very easily judged. By this I mean the direction of Tristan de Vere Cole, which from the surviving episodes is shown to be really quite good for the time, but the fact that only two episodes survive rather hinders that point somewhat. This story does have some good parts-an atmospheric first episode, a great introduction for new companion Zoe- but it is hampered by the fact that it’s plot is basically a recycling of the plot of The Moonbase, complete with amusingly stereotypical foreign crewmen like Flannigan the big-bearded Irishmen and Chang the Chinaman, and this in itself is a bad thing as the plot of The Moonbase was also recycled from The Tenth Planet. Genius my steal, but stealing it twice is pushing your luck. Maybe this story will move up the list if the episodes get recovered, but for now it’s staying here. A shame.

11. Silver Nemesis

Silver Nemesis is, to be frank, a bit messy. The plot lacks clarity, and it feels like an effort to chuck as much in as possible. Neo-Nazis! Jacobean…folk! The Queen! Jazz! Oh, and occasionally, the Cybermen! Because yes, for a story that features the Cybermen, Silver Nemesis does not do much with them. They sort of wonder about a bit, meet Neo-Nazis and get beaten by a slingshot and some gold coins. Invincible, they are not, though for all its lack of pace and clarity, and its misuse of the metal men from Mondas, Silver Nemesis does have its good bits. The Cybermen’s reaction to jazz music is brilliant and Lady Pienforte is wonderfully bonkers. However, there is not getting away from the fact that, for an anniversary story, this is a bit of a let down. It also uses the exact same plot as Remembrance of the Daleks, which was both in the same season and is one of my favourite Doctor Who stories. And for that, it shall be first against the wall when the revolution comes. Along with Andy Murray. Sorry Andy.

10. Nightmare in Silver

Now, hand to my heart, I’m actually rather fond of Nightmare in Silver. I know, I’m strange like that. I do despise Angie, and I do get tired of the schmaltz, but there is something about this story that does really enthuse me. I really like the idea of the Doctor facing off against himself for starters, and I also like the idea of Clara commanding an army. However, my favourite part has to be the Cybermen themselves. These new Cybermen that debuted here are some of the best Doctor Who’s ever had. Gone are all memories of latex monstrosities and a weakness to being in the general vicinity of gold, and in are instant upgrades and cool zappy space guns (because yes, I am five years old). They’re so powerful and unstoppable in fact that you have to blow up the planet they’re on just to stop them. These are truly the Cybermen I always imagined in my head as a kid en-fleshed (or en-mentaled as the case may be). So sorry if that’s frustrating, but I can’t honestly say I’ve done this list properly if I don’t place this story here, as I do actually quite enjoy it. Even if the Cybermen are now effectively the Borg.

But there are much worse things to be.

9. The Next Doctor

The Next Doctor is another case of a story that frustrates me by not living up to its potential. The idea of Victorian Cybermen skulking through snowy graveyards is certainly an evocative one. However, the Cybermen are rather left in the lurch by the addition of the whole Jackson Lake plot. I do really enjoy David Morrissey’s performance and he really does convince, but it is a shame that what could have been a really great Cybermen story is shoved to the sidelines somewhat. I really do feel torn in half by this story; there is so much of it that is just off of being brilliant. So it does sadden me that it is lumbered with both the Cyber-Shades, which look like toupees that have been magically resurrected, and the Cyber-King, which looks like Optimus Prime’s rusty, poorly animated and, well, a bit rubbish cousin. Oh well, at least it’s Christmas.

Join me again tomorrow, as I’ll countdown stories 8 to 1. Please feel free to tell me your favourite Cyber-stories in the comments!

*Six Seasons and a Movie!