“The Ghost Monument” – Teasers Explained

Clint Hassell reveals the answers to last week’s hints and teasers for Series 11, episode 2 “The Ghost Monument.”

SPOILERS FOLLOW…!

• 1. The first teaser is that there is no teaser.
  A teaser is a pre-credits sequence that is used to catch the audience’s attention and set up the episode. “The Ghost Monument” did not have a teaser and started with the reconceived opening credits.
• 2. Purple sunlight reflected on the surface of a wavy pond – – but in 3D.
  This is a brief, subjective description of the new opening titles. Everyone was asking about them, but I figured it would be too much of a spoiler to outright describe them in explicit detail.
• 3. Callufrax Minor, Jahoo, Shallacatop, Woman Wept, Pyrovillia, Adipose 3, the moon of Poosh, Clom, Griffoth . . . Desolation.
  These are the planets listed in Series 4’s “The Stolen Earth”/”Journey’s End” as being moved out of place to form the transmitter of the Dalek reality bomb. In “The Ghost Monument,” the planet Desolation is similarly out of place.
• 4. Antiques Roadshow and Call of Duty both get a shout-out.
  The Doctor claims that Epzo’s aged spaceship should be on Antiques Roadshow. Ryan claims that his time playing Call of Duty has prepared him to wield an alien firearm against the sniper bots.
• 5. “You can be honest with me: are we going to die?”
  – Yasmin
• 6. “Oh! By the way, welcome to what I presume is your first alien planet! Don’t touch anything.”
  – the Doctor
• 7. Audrey Hepburn or Pythagoras
  The Doctor couldn’t remember if she borrowed sunglasses from Audrey Hepburn or Pythagoras.
• 8. The admonition from “The Waters of Mars” gets repeated.
  “Don’t drink the water. In fact, don’t even touch the water.”
• 9. The titular ghost monument is ***y.
  The titular ghost monument is sexy – – as in Eleven’s pet name for the TARDIS.
• 10. Venusian aikido!
  The Doctor uses Venusian aikido to prevent Epzo from harming Angstrom with a firearm.
• 11. ****** beat bullets.
  The Doctor claims that “brains beat bullets.”
• 12. “I love a big **cked d***.”
  “I love a big locked door.” – the Doctor
• 13. Oh, yeah, Chris Chibnall really, really lied about that thing.
  Showrunner Chibnall was definitely lying about “ten self-contained stories,” as the recurring threat of the Stenza and the mysterious “Timeless Child” will tie Series 11 together.
• 14. He didn’t lie about increased LGBT representation, though!
  With out actress Sharon D. Clarke playing Grace and Angstrom revealed to be a lesbian, Chibnall is making good on his promise to continue Series 10’s practice of increased LGBT representation.
• 15. “You want fears? I’ve got a dozen lifetimes worth.”
  – the Doctor
• 16. “Bad Wolf,” “Torchwood,” “Vote Saxon,” “cracks in the universe,” “Silence will fall,” “the Impossible Girl,” “the Hybrid” . . . “the *******s **i**.”
  These phrases unified the story arcs of Series 1, 2, 3, 5, 6, 7, and 9, respectively. “The Timeless Child” appears to be Series 11’s ongoing mystery.
• 17. The Doctor and her companions lay back, light up, and get baked.
  This scene gets funnier every time I watch it.
• 18. There is stunning time lapse footage of dawn over an alien vista. It’s one of my favorite visuals in all of Doctor Who.
  Someone please make a gif of this for me.
• 19. “Come to Daddy . . . I mean ‘Mommy.’”
  – the Doctor
• 20. There’s a quick, clever joke referencing Ryan’s tendency to push alien buttons first and ask questions later.
  As Thirteen introduces her new companions to the TARDIS, Ryan notices the button-filled console. 

  Ryan: “Can I press any of the – -”
  the Doctor: “No.”