The Script Doctor: Fixing Series 12, Episodes 6-9
Guest feature by the Script Doctor.
Next up…
Praxeus
You can remove Graham and Ryan from this episode, or have the episode just feature Graham and Yaz. Yaz in particular has received the least amount of attention so far. For Graham, we have set up his ‘afraid of dying’ arc. We still haven’t found anything for Ryan to do, but since this episode originally tried to give Yaz more to do, having her be featured prominently in place of Ryan frees up more time to develop her.
Next up, remove the eco lesson this story evolves into halfway through. Or failing that, disguise the message more stealthily. If you can’t make your message less subtle, don’t include it. Remember while you can’t cater to every fan’s wants, you should still try. That means including the message for the half that likes it, and disguising or hiding it well enough for those who don’t.
While it’s a good thing that the episode originally didn’t waste the companion’s inclusion, thus allowing all of them to be present, drop the extraordinary skill set they magically learned off-screen. Ryan should not know how to dissect a bird. The job should be the Doctor’s or Suki’s. Unless you include a brief scene in one of the other episodes in which the Doctor tries to teach the gang how alien spaceships are flown à la The Sontaran Stratagem, they really shouldn’t be able to fly one.
You can remove the opening and closing narration. You can highlight the pollution message by having events play out as normal instead of telling the audience what you want them to do. Show, don’t tell.
The guest cast likewise does not need to be as big as it is. Originally Jake and Adam’s relationship is well explored, but we have yet to develop Ryan in any way and Graham’s arc hasn’t been developed nearly enough. You already have four prominent characters in this episodes, you don’t need five more. Cut the supporting cast when they are no longer needed. For instance after telling Ryan what happened to her friend, do we really need Jamila sticking around for the rest of the episode?
As stated before, cutting Jake, Adam and Jamila from the script allows the story to better develop Suki as the villain. She is underdeveloped in the original story and would likewise benefit from more screen time. Not only that but focusing the episode on the morality of sacrificing one race for another would make for a better intellectual dilemma than the obvious ‘pollution is bad, you shouldn’t do this’ one.
You should cut the massive bird attack that occurs in the middle of this story if you’re not going to use the attack to infect at least one TARDIS team member. You can’t have that many birds launch an attack on a group of people in an enclosed space and expect audiences to believe not one person is harmed in the process. Not only that, but in a Doctor, Graham, Yaz TARDIS team this adds a wonderful opportunity to infect Graham and make him face almost dying again, something we established in the Orphan 55 replacement episode as something he is aware of now. Also, infecting a companion adds a race against time element to the episode, raising the stakes. Having Yaz be the one to save him does wonders for her character and makes Graham’s “you’re the best” comment in the season finale feel more earned.
One last edit would be the inclusion of the Autons in some fashion, whether they are trying to rebuild their home world, harkening back all the way to Rose, or are in fact victims of Suki who is using their powers to achieve her goal. It works on a nostalgic level as they haven’t been on television for a couple of years, and on a practical one as plastics and Autons go together like bread and butter.
Result: We made a pollution message more subtle, we brought back the Autons, reduced character count by at least three, freed up a lot of screen time, added a sense of urgency to the story, made the mass bird attack mean something, further developed Graham’s ‘dying’ arc, fleshed out the villain, gave Yaz more to do and allowed characters to do things that line up with their skill set.
Can You Hear Me?
Cut Rakaya and keep Zellin. We don’t need two villains. You can change Zellin’s motivation as reaching out through space and time using the last vestiges of his power in an attempt to manipulate the Doctor and company into completely setting him free, which still happens somewhere in the episode. In the original episode Zellin is reduced to supporting Yes-man as soon as Rakaya is freed. Not having her around maintains him as the main threat.
Confronting death yet again in the last episode gives Graham a good excuse to sit out the adventure this week and instead focus more on Yaz and Ryan. Ryan’s friend received more development than he did originally so dropping that subplot in exchange for a subplot where Ryan has to face his dyspraxia feels like a better way to honor the character.
Yes, social issues are important, but this is television and the story must always come first. Plus, I’m sure there are loads of social pressures individuals with dyspraxia face in everyday life that can form a good substitute for the social stress we receive in this episode.
While the Doctor is trapped, have a scene play out where she has to confront some of her biggest fears instead of pointlessly teasing the Timeless Child. Daleks exterminating her companions is a very real fear while seeing them cyber-converted serves as a call back to Bill Potts. Most importantly it gives the audience an insight into why this incarnation is so emotionally distant sometimes and hesitant to open up to her friends.
Instead of that goofy, gravity-defying Sonic Screwdriver flick, just have the Doctor free herself another way, or have Yaz or Ryan set her loose.
Zellin and Rakaya are originally defeated way too easily. Since it’s just Zellin the issue still persists and needs to be handled just as delicately. If you can’t organically defeat him, then don’t completely set him free, but make the episode be about ensuring he never escapes and achieves his full power. His defeat makes more sense and is easier to digest if he is operating at a fraction of his normal strength.
As for the Doctor and Graham cancer confrontation, as Graham is sitting out the adventure, you can either forgo the the conversation, or shorten it so that the Doctor receives a phone call from Graham simply asking to discuss ‘something’ with her and have the conversation play out in the minds of the fanbase instead of showing it onscreen.
Result: We have reduced the number of characters in the story by three, developed Ryan and Yaz, made the villain more entertaining and threatening while keeping the social stress message in place. We also didn’t piss off enough people that the BBC has to issue an official statement on the matter.
The Haunting of Villa Diodati
In reality, Percy’s ghost story challenge lasted three days. Set this story on either the first or second of those days and have the Doctor mind wipe the Geneva crew before she leaves. She’s done it before in Spyfall to preserve history, so it would be in-character.
Seems trivial I know, but this way the story doesn’t retcon some of Big Finish’s audios, specifically Mary’s Story and The Silver Turk. It’s two lines of dialogue added to the script that makes thousands of fans happy. Considering the viewing figures dropped from 10.9 million to 4.6 million in two seasons, is it really that much of a challenge to try to earn some goodwill with a portion of your audience?
Result: We kept the Big Finish niche community happy, one step closer to satisfying everyone.
Ascension of the Cybermen
Given that we learn in the next episode that Brendan’s story is simply a Matrix metaphor for what happened to the Doctor, you can free up a lot of screen time by dropping the subplot completely.
Next up, kill the supporting cast minutes after the Doctor and company arrive to save them and make the episode be about trying to survive and prevent the Cybermen’s revival instead of splitting up to get civilians to safety. This way you free up more time by not having a four to five undeveloped sacks of meat bogging you down, as well as highlighting just how dangerous the Cybermen are at this point in time.
By changing the plot from rescuing stragglers to needing to save yourself instead while also preventing the Cybermen’s resurrection, several key idiotic decisions the cast make can be undone. For one Yaz’s idea to transport thousands of Cybermen to a human refuge settlement is erased.
This is also a perfect opportunity to bring Jack Harkness back, specifically an earlier version who goes on to try to warn the Doctor not to give in to the Lone Cyberman’s demands. Again, having a trained operative like Jack onboard gives the TARDIS team a tactical advantage. You have removed a bunch of meaningless characters so you can afford to have Jack be part of the team.
You can escalate the ascension to progress to such a degree that one of the companions suggests sending Jack back in time to try to prevent the situation they are currently in from happening. You have the companion do this because the Doctor knows it won’t work. Ryan would be the best pick for this suggestion. He challenged the Doctor in the previous episode and has seen first-hand what damage their inaction has led to.
The Doctor and Jack still agree, but only because they both know the suggestion only fixes the foreknowledge issue the Doctor has and not the present situation. Plus since the companions have little experience with time travel mechanics, this would make for a good lesson on why how time loops work. You can even have the trio become angry at the Doctor afterwards for not explaining things properly before they sent their only immortal team member away. Not only is this a good conflict to have that pays homage to when the Ninth Doctor tricked Rose using her own suggestion, but this action once again leans into the Doctor needing to make certain sacrifices in order to preserve history.
Result: We have added Jack Harkness with plot relevancy; we showcase how dangerous Cybermen are, drop unnecessary sub-plots, free up screen time, reduce the character count considerably, create conflict between the Doctor and her companions, and have characters make more intelligent choices.
